On the up

First off, I’m officially calling this: Vantablack is going to be huge in cycling. Yes, you read it here first. Vantablack. It’s the polar opposite to this (Vino’s hideous new bike):

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Vantablack is a paint made from carbon nano-tubes and absorbs 99.965% of light. They use it to coat the insides of telescopes. It’s so black as to effectively render anything you paint with it two-dimensional. If you paint a piece of crinkly silver paper (below) with it, it appears like a kind of black hole. How cool it that? It’s the ultimate matte-black stealth paintjob.

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Of course the downside is that it converts light into heat, so your Vantablack carbon bike will melt if you ride it in the sun. But my bike’s made from pig-iron and mahogany, so I don’t care (it would take the heat of a thousand suns to melt the Pig-Iron Pista).

Anyway, to the matter in hand —the March issue of Cycling Plus. I like the cover, it’s got light and shade, depth and movement. First Rides include the lefty-forked ‘dale Slate and an equally gravelly Bombtrack Beyond, the new Cervelo C5 (those of us of a certain age cannot see “C5” without going “aaaaaarrrrgh!”)

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Then we get to the news/new products mash-up, which is all fine. The first big feature is a test of bikes for middle-aged fat people “endurance” bikes for between £1500 and £2000. It’s a popular segment of the market, and we are told why these particular bikes have been chosen. There are even a couple of non-disc bikes in there, which is good. The test is fine, but what really struck me was the photography…it’s lush. Robert Smith has done a great job in what looked to be some pretty challenging conditions, and the result is some really nice imagery conveying a sense of speed and power, and giving the photos a sense of place. So much better than the hyper-lit frozen-motion shots we see all too often.

Next we have more odds and ends (shoes, computers, urban jackets and Garmin’s weird radar system, which I was glad to see C+ were as mystified about as the rest of us). After which we get the Seven Deadly Sins of Cycling. It’s basically a different way of presenting some good, solid advice to the readers. It’s aimed at the newbies rather than experienced riders, but it’s a decent read nonetheless.

The pedals test didn’t do much for me, but then I’ve found my perfect pedals and have no intention of changing them any time soon. I was slightly surprised to find £180 Dura-Ace pedals in an “affordable pedals” test, but then maybe compared to Speedplay Nanograms (£600 a pair) they are pretty cheap.

The piece on the Three-Peaks Cyclo-Cross Challenge is a good read. Like many of these things, I will never, ever take part in one, but I enjoy reading about other people’s misery and suffering on two wheels. Except the event doesn’t seem to need wheels because it’s basically a cross-country run with a bicycle slung over your shoulder. Entertaining idiots!

I liked Warren Rossiter’s piece about the Bianchi l’Eroica and the Specialissima very much, not least because Warren himself rode for the photos and I like to see a slightly chunky middle-aged man having fun on two lovely bikes. And Warren writes very well. Good stuff.

I should have put my prejudices to one side and actually read the piece about power meters. But I didn’t. I have zero interest in power meters because anything that requires a temperature compensation algorithm has no place on my bike. But this looks like a pretty reasonable look at what’s available, even if there is a distinct lack of data in the piece.

The How-To section contains a handful of rather lightweight advice pieces, but one in particular caught my eye: Descend Like a Pro. Really? 300 words from Tiffany Cromwell and you’re descending like a pro? Gimme a break. For a start, no one should do anything like a Pro, let alone descend (have you seen Thibault Pinot riding down hills?). Pros are not role-models, so don’t do anything like one. Don’t eat like a pro, don’t sleep like a pro, don’t ride like a pro. Seriously, these people are not normal and you don’t want to be like them.

Moving on…John Witney is writing about turning his brother into a MAMIL. I don’t know whether John comes up with these ideas himself, or whether he’s just clearly the right man for the job, but it’s good stuff. Like his bunking-off-on-a-day-trip-to-Mallorca piece last month, John has a light touch and it makes for a good read. The illustrations, though…downright wrong!

The Big Ride feature claims to be about somewhere in Scotland, but clearly isn’t (there was sunshine and people with all their own teeth). Actually, it’s the Isle of Arran. Maybe the weather’s different there. Anyway, it’s a nice piece about a lovely part of the world. Interestingly, Trevor Ward (the author) managed to squeeze the most out of his Scottish trip by flogging a piece to Cyclist this month as well. Now that’s smart freelancing.

At the back, Ned displays some shockingly poor parenting skills. He advocates keeping your kids away from bike racing on the telly, but in reality they add to the enjoyment, particularly if they are already getting to grips with football as well.

Me: What do you think of Astana?

Kids: Shit!

Me: What do you think of shit?

Kids: Astana!

All: We hate Vino and we hate Vino, we hate Vino and we hate Vino…etc

And my middle son’s first words? Djamolidine Abdoujaparov (at least that’s what it sounded like to me). So get the kids involved early on and while away those long transitional stages with sweary songs and firing darts with suction tips at the TV when your least-favourite rider appears on the screen.

And that’s it for this month. All told, a good effort by the C+ team. I didn’t think this would happen, but I am increasingly finding more to interest me in C+ than in Cyclist these days. I’ll be back on Monday with a few thoughts on Cyclist.

@TranquilloTommy

 

 

 

 

 

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